Redefining Christmas
Lifelong struggle with passage of time
In Poland we celebrate two major holidays each year — Christmas and Easter — when larger families gather together to rejoice and catch up. Even though they originate from Christianity, they have been so deeply intertwined with traditions that you would celebrate them regardless of your faith status.
Each year, we would drive for 3 hours to Zamość in eastern Poland where my dad’s family is from. Each year, we would drive in stop-and-go traffic with low sunlight just in time to make it for Christmas Eve. For me it is not the Tree that resembles Christmas but rather “Driving home for Christmas” song whenever I saw a “driver next to me who was just the same”.
Is there a typical Christmas?
Only this year I realized that what I have previously taken for granted is not generally true. I was surprised to find that quite a few of my friends spend Christmas with fewer than 5 people including their parents. Statistically it is hardly surprising given the chances of parents not having siblings or not having multiple children themselves. One’s own relationship status also affects the setup complexity as you have to navigate dynamics of two families at that point too.
I had previously assumed that Christmas is anchored at the oldest member of the family whose genealogical position determines the immediate guest list. In my case it used to be my dad’s grandparents who acted as a joint link with my dad’s brother’s family in Zamość (since my mom was a single child and her parents have passed away since). Over time the gathering size had been growing with new significant others added to the mix yet the most senior node in the tree remained constant.
Rebalancing Christmas
With the passing of my grandpa this past summer, our family tree lost the true anchor that glued two distinct subtrees of the family together. In fact, similarly to a standard CS concept, losing grandpa caused an imbalance of the family tree which, again similar to CS 101, begs for rebalancing the tree. Yet, the process required is significantly harder due to all the humans in the loop.
During our post-Christmas ride back home this year, we had an intriguing conversation with my siblings which inspired this blog post. The question posed whether it was time to “recreate Christmas” within our own family subtree, whether it was time to “rebalance the tree”. Taking a hint from CS, it all comes down to the strength of “family links” between members of two distinct clusters and importance of in-cluster cohesion for each Christmas gathering.
Putting it simply, at which point does your newly built family, i.e whoever is below you in the family tree, outweigh your original family, i.e whoever is above and to the side in your tree?
